|Beer-mat wisdom...courtesy of Timothy Taylor's!|
I’ve blogged quite a bit about singleness, and now I want to say something about relationships!
First of all, I’m not in a relationship at the moment, so may not be best placed to talk about them. But I’ve had some in my life, and so feel my insights are valid! And it is definitely something I want: after all my talk of ‘staying single’ and stuff, I said to my mate the other week, ‘You know what, I don’t actually want to be single anymore!’ So here goes...
One of the main causes of misery in my life – and I am sure I am not alone in this – has been romantic relationships, or the lack thereof. I seem to have spent much of my adult life feeling down about not having a girlfriend, or down because the one I had didn’t want me anymore! A friend of mine remarked: ‘The fact is that this thing we desire the most, is the thing that can cause us the most pain.’ Or words to that effect anyway.
It is something we all desire: to connect with another human being, to have that intimacy, closeness and sharing. No man is an island, so I’m told. I’m also told it’s worth the risk: ‘It’s better to have loved and lost...’ and all that crap.
One thing I used to look for was a girl who shared my taste in music, or movies, or maybe liked the same food or some other interest. But I’m beginning to think that’s not really important. Those aren’t the things a relationship is built on.
Of course, it’s important to have some common ground (otherwise what will you do together?!) but it’s far more important to be able to talk, share ideas, dreams and passions, and then we can work together to help each other fulfil whatever potential we can. Beyond that, just being comfortable in each other’s company, without even necessarily the need to talk, is enough, at least for me.
Whether or not you like Dr Who or Jon McGregor books is really pretty irrelevant. Any relationship I have is hopefully going to outlast such fads anyway.
As I’ve said before, I think this whole thing is about being ok whatever state I’m/we’re in, which includes whether single, or part of a couple. So yes, life’s good being single – I have my interests and ambitions, and I’m happy to work on them. I don’t need someone to fix my life or anything like that.
It would just be nice to share it.