Being crazy.

‘I always thought a man should have a dream, to dig himself out when he hit the floor.’ 

– Martyn Joseph, 'People Crazy As Me'.

People Crazy As Me - Martyn Joseph

In my darkest times, one thing has helped me to pull myself up again: my dreams. There are a few things I want to do before I die and, if I give in, cash in my chips, call it a day, those dreams will never get done.

But what happens if you try to achieve your dream, and fail? Or, what if you achieve it and it’s not enough?

I wanted to write a novel. It was my big ‘goal’ and I’ve done it. But I guess I was kidding myself: it turns out my real goal was to be a paid writer and, in that, I’ve failed. My novel has been rejected by pretty much every agent I could find to send it to over the course of the last eight months. I’ve received praise from colleagues for my work but there’s no hope, really, that it will ever find its way to the printing press.

It’s a bigger disappointment than I thought it would be and, coupled with the disappointment of still not being able to move back to my 'home', it's tough to take.

Martyn Joseph sings a song I’ve turned to in the past: ‘People Crazy As Me.’ Its opening line is what I felt in those dark times. As I listen to the song again now, I hear a message of a better way to live, a way to make this world better, and it’s not rocket science; it’s a simple message anyone can live.

I need to adjust my goals, again, and there’s a danger I’ll have to reduce them, to minimize them until they’re no longer recognisable as my dreams anymore, just to make them achievable.

But Mr Joseph never says the dream has to be attainable. (In any case, I’m still breathing; the dream isn’t unattainable yet.) I think of another song: ‘Dignity’ by Deacon Blue (I'll warn you now, it's quite '80s!) or, indeed, one I wrote myself: ‘I Want To Be An Astronaut’.

In recent years, I’ve often said I want to make this world a better place, to improve each moment, even if it’s only in some small way. I think I need to get back to that somehow: to write stories just because someone, somewhere, might enjoy it; to sing songs and record albums just because one person might find some hope or entertainment in the lyrics. To live each moment to the best of my ability so others might benefit from my talents, whether in writing, administration, or just through a listening ear.

And, sometimes, I see people as crazy as me.

I wonder if you’re one of them…?

Real miracles and doing something worthwhile...

One of my favourite movies is Bruce Almighty (Morgan Freeman as God – what’s not to like??). 

In it, there's a scene where ‘God’ (Morgan Freeman) is talking to Bruce (Jim Carrey).  He says: ‘Parting your soup is not a miracle Bruce, it’s a magic trick.  A single mum, who’s working two jobs and still finds time to take her kid to soccer practice, that’s a miracle.’ (Bruce Almighty, 2003, Universal)

I used to want to change the world.  I thought doing something ‘worthwhile’ was the greatest ambition to have.

When I classified myself as ‘Christian’, that meant ‘saving’ the world: helping as many people as possible to become Christians (and since that can mean a million different things to a million different people, I’m still not sure what I was trying to achieve).

After that, it became my ambition to make the world a better place, to improve the lives of as many human beings as possible.  Perhaps classifying me as ‘Humanist’.*

Now, I'm starting to wonder if the best thing we can do with our lives is to do our best at the things we have to do.

I realise that’s one of those trite statements that probably doesn’t really mean anything, but hear me out...

The word ‘have’ in that statement isn’t meant to refer to things we must do, like chores.  I mean it as the things we have to do, in an ‘owning’ sense.  (Although that can mean chores sometimes...)

For example, some people are extremely talented musicians.  They can sing, or play an instrument, or write a musical in a way that other people never could.  They have abilities different to those around them.  The thing they ‘have’ to do is create music.

Other people can only dream of pursuing such ambitions.  Their lives are too busy, too hectic, too stressful and they just don’t have the time.  I know some people like this and I am humbled by their motivation, their tenacity, their selflessness.  In their lives, they ‘have’ things to do, and they are devoting themselves wholly to doing them, in spite of, often considerable, personal cost.

Someone like me trying to be a writer, often complaining about what ‘hard work’ it is and struggling for the motivation to even open the necessary file could learn a lot from them.

If you’re like me, and lucky enough to have the time to pursue...whatever goal it is you want, then do it.  Chase it.  And may we remember what a privilege that is.

If you’re like those people I know, living a life filled with things you so often feel you have to do, perhaps like the single mother Morgan Freeman’s character mentions, then remember what a miracle you are.  The lives of the people you touch will be all the better for your sacrificial efforts.  And surely that is truly something ‘worthwhile'.

*I’m not big on classifying people; I believe we’re all too individual to fit into tidy boxes. 

Love Does.

I’ve raved about this book for a while now, and I finished it this week.  Love Does, by Bob Goff (2012, Thomas Nelson), is incredible.  It’s filled with stories of how Bob has spent his life loving people – and I mean really loving them. 

There are few tales of hearts, flowers, or poetry, but many of him taking off on flights to Uganda to help free imprisoned children.  Or of him letting people into his life in whatever way they need.  Or of refusing to give up on a dream because he knows it’s what he would love to do.

Even the one chapter on the pursuit of his now-wife is a tale of unrelenting hope, of choosing to keep on loving ‘Sweet Maria’, in spite of her apparent disinterest.  He tells the story of being ‘trigger-locked (on her) while she treated me with a polite distance’. 

In the end though, he says: ‘Fortunately, Maria understood that for some of us – most of us – the language of love is laced with whimsy.  It sometimes borders on the irrational.  Like I’ve been saying, though, love is a do thing.  It’s an energy that has to be dissipated.’  ((I would say love almost always borders on the irrational, but there you go.)

Bob is a Christian and writes as such, including many references to how he believes his faith impacts on his chosen path.  But it’s not a cringe-inducing faith, or even a faith particularly recognisable as being the same as is often seen in ‘the Church’.  So please don’t be put off by it!

Why am I telling you about this book?  Because as I’ve read it, it kept resonating with me, with who I am trying to be.  I, too, believe that ‘love does’ – love is above all else a verb, and the only way to show it is to do something with it. 

That can mean being there at 3am for someone when everyone’s had enough.  Or it can mean taking the hit when they need to rant at ... someone.  Or it can mean ignoring how much something is hurting, because the person needs you to be strong for them.

It can even mean turning up and doing a job we really don’t feel like doing today, because it will benefit someone else in need.

Most of this is pretty contrary to popular opinion.  Many people counsel to ‘look after yourself’, to make sure we’re not going to get hurt.  And whilst that might seem like wisdom, it isn’t the way of love as I understand it.

Love puts the other person first, regardless of cost.  And sometimes the cost is high but, even so, I believe love goes right ahead and does it anyway.

Love Does is available from Amazon here.

Want to be known for being 'awesome'...?

Sometimes the best 'superheroes'
are hiding...

A lot of the time we want credit for the things we do.  We want people to recognise the good we’ve done, and to reward us in some way.

In the book I keep referring to lately, Love Does (Thomas Nelson, 2012), Bob Goff  talks about being secretly incredible, or ‘being awesome.’  No song and dance, no ‘look at me and what I’ve done’ fanfare, just doing stuff for people or being there for them simply because you can, because you wanted to, because they needed you to.

I don’t believe in Karma as such, but my niece forwarded a text message to me earlier this week that said: ‘Karma saw your sadness and said: “hard times are over”.’  I thought it was a sweet sentiment and it actually made me feel better.  Not because I believed the Universe was about to redress some cosmic balance of fairness in my life, but because I believed I had been doing the right things and so, perhaps eventually, I’d see the benefit of that.

And, even if I don’t, at least I can be satisfied with what I’d done.

I want to be known for being an ‘awesome’ guy, of course I do.  But I’d much rather people just saw it in me as part of my nature, rather than because I showed off about it. 

In my experience, people do notice show-offs, and often give them rewards and affection.  But people who don’t show-off, who just get on with doing the good they can, get noticed too.  Maybe not as quickly, or as obviously, but when it happens it will probably be by people who are looking for something deeper, something closer, something more ... meaningful.  And I reckon that’s worth far more.

So keep being awesome, even if it seems no-one is watching.  I actually think that’s a pre-requisite of genuine ‘awesomeness’ anyway...

Activism and doing what you want.

My last post could have gone two ways.  I’d planned to say: rather than my current job being a destination, it could merely be another link in a chain.  Like this:

Discovering what you want to do in life is a huge thing.  It gives you something to strive for.  As I wrote my last post, I realised: no matter what 9-5 role I happen to find, I’ll always be striving towards the goal of being a fiction writer, even if I find a creative job.  I mentioned my last job was creative and tailored to me, but I was still working on my novel and stories.  The job wasn’t enough.

Then there’s the part about being an activist, about wanting to ‘change the world’.  A friend of mine asked: have I really become the activist I wanted to be?  The answer is: ‘yes and no’. 

I've never been one for camping in fields...

Yes, because I do a job for a charity doing good in this world.  I’m not one to stand on the front line, march on Westminster, camp in fields or town centres and all the rest of it; I'm as close as I wanted to get.

And no, because it's not what I wanted to do after all.  To do it ‘properly’, you have to be committed, you have to be willing to put in the extra hours.  The people I work alongside are committed, whereas often I’d rather be at home, writing.  I liked the idea of a role like the one I have, but the reality is too much of a sacrifice for me.  Maybe that’s selfish, and that’s what my last post became about.

The thing about dreams is they’re not always what they seem.  My ‘activism’ dream turned out to not be ideal after all.  But that’s okay, I can dream again.

Here’s a song I love that came to mind while I wrote this:

 ‘I always thought a man should have a dream, to pick himself up when he hits the floor.’

It may be your dream to fight the injustices in this world and that’s great, we need people like that and I will continue to be one of them.  It’s just not my life’s ambition.  (For me, I wonder if ‘activism’ is more something to aspire to in my daily life, rather than being the reason for that life...)

My advice is, if something is not your dream, don’t do it just for the sake of it.  Don’t give up chasing your dream because you think you ‘ought to’ do something else.  Keep chasing, keep searching.  Be whatever it is you, and only you, can be.

And again, I'm gonna plug Don Miller's post: 'Two words that kill passion.'

How to change the world...

I've never been an artist...

It feels like there’s a choice: doing something less personally satisfying for the ‘greater good’, or finding a more enjoyable career path.  I’m beginning to think the latter is better, and it’s not necessarily for selfish reasons.

The little blurb about me at the top right of this page (it’s up there, go on, have a look!), says I’m a ‘wannabe-activist’.  For a long time I dreamed of working for a charity, then of working for a charity I believed in.

Now, I do that very thing; I have pretty much become the ‘activist’ I wanted to be.

The reality, however, is difficult: the workload is stressful, vast and, at times, monotonous.  It’s tough to keep one’s eyes fixed on the reason for turning up each day (beyond paying the bills, of course).  I miss the far more creative work of my previous role, tailored specifically to me and my abilities, even though I wasn’t passionate about the raison d’etre of the charity itself.  And I feel guilty, as though I should nevertheless be satisfied I’m doing something I perceive to be ‘worthwhile’.

A friend of mine (www.goplacidly.com) once said she was giving up on trying to ‘change the world’ and instead was focusing on ‘being happy’.  And now I wonder...

If more people spent their time pursuing the thing they personally find fulfilling, that uses their unique talents, that they find stimulating and rewarding, and that makes them ‘happy’, then wouldn’t the world simply be a better place?

Imagine all the undiscovered painters, unpublished writers, would-be new-scientists, struggling musicians, frustrated architects, potential great leaders ... whatever ... able to do the thing they love, without having to sell-out a part of themselves to the daily grind just to make ends-meet.  What kind of a world would that be?

So go, find the thing you love, chase it, do it, and never give it up.  Because that’s how we can change the world.

(For more on this read ‘Two words that kill passion’– it’s a blog-post from Don Miller. He very eloquently says some stuff I wanted to about how doing what we want doesn't necessarily only lead to sex, drugs, rock n roll, etc...)

Some days the world can get you down. But...

Don't despair!

Some days the world just gets you down. It might be some bad personal news, or a tragedy reported in the media, or, as it was for me today, just a simple line bringing to mind some of the flaws in the world.

There are so many things that can bring pain, upset or difficulty in life. Sometimes it’s really easy to let them drag you down into a pit of despair – what’s the point in trying in the face of such problems?

But, in this short post, I just want to say that, whilst there are many ‘bad’ things going on, don’t let them drown out the good. The line in the email I received today was about a church (and the very mention of that ‘c’ word in itself will conjure up negativity for some of you!), and, though it depressed me, it also reminded me of why I’m working on a particular writing project at the moment, spurring me on all the more to make progress.

That’s pretty positive, for a ‘bad’ thing.

And, even if we can’t turn something round like that, there’s still no cause to throw in the towel completely. Yes, things go wrong, but look at the good work done by aid organisations and individuals across the globe. Or consider the friends we have, or the partners, pets, housemates – whatever – those people who are there, who have shared times, made memories, laughed, cried...just lived alongside us through everything. I believe there is always some good to be found, if we only look for it.

As Martyn Joseph – and 6,000 or so fans – sang at Greenbelt: ‘There’s still a lot of love around here...’

I wholeheartedly agree.

Being privileged, and being better...

'There's a world outside your window...'  -
Band Aid

We are so privileged in this country, and we scarcely remember the fact.

We spend so much time complaining about the things we don’t have, and chasing after more and more things we want, that I think sometimes we forget how much we do have. I’ve said before how I think there is great joy to be found in being content with where we are and what we have.

I look at the news and see people across the world who don’t have things we take for granted – children starving without food, families without clean water. And it breaks my heart.

But then, only hours later, I find myself browsing DVD racks in HMV, or considering spending hundreds of pounds on a games console. And I wonder at my lack of consistency, my own hypocrisy.

I think if we dwelt a little more on what we have, on our privileged position on this planet, we’d be far more ready to help others. I don’t need an Xbox, I’ve lived perfectly well without one for years, but there’s a guy on the street somewhere who could use a sleeping bag. I might not be having a holiday this year, but there are people right now in the world who might not even have a proper meal this year.

My PC broke last week and if I’d wanted to replace it, I would have found the money from somewhere. As it is, I also have a laptop and decided to ‘make do’ with that. But the challenge is this: why haven’t I taken the money I’d have ‘found’ and donated it to charity?

I’ve always intended this blog to be about being ‘better’ – being the best we can be. So this post is about that. Let’s be more than we are, let’s stop thinking so much about how we can please ourselves, only one person, because I reckon we can do so much more: we can please a whole world of people if we try.

I’ve talked before about life being about experiences. Well, it’d be a hell of an experience to go on ‘holiday’ to help those in need, for sure. I’m not saying I’m going to do that, or that you should either. But I do reckon we should all look to find ways we can use our own unique talents, creativity and circumstances for good. It doesn’t have to be major – I consider writing a song for others to enjoy as a 'good' thing! And we can make life better even just for those around us: a friend in need; a sick family member; a colleague having a rough day.

And I’d bet that, in the process of looking to ‘please’ others, we’ll find that we have a ball as well.

You in?

What makes you angry? Act on it!

My friend, Rachel Harding, posted this on her blog the other day. My comments continue at the bottom...

It caught my eye, mainly because it’s pretty much awesome in its entirety, but I especially liked the line: ‘Pay particular attention to what makes you angry’.

This is something I’ve thought about before, and it’s to do with passion: if something makes you angry, it’s likely you’re passionate about it. And that’s why it’s important to pay attention.

Throughout history, great things have been achieved because someone was passionate about them. Slavery was made illegal; women were given equal rights (ok, more equal); we’ve begun to see fairly-traded products in our supermarkets. These things happened because someone saw something, some injustice, and felt strongly that it was wrong – I don’t doubt it made them angry.

Destructive anger is no good – these people could have gone on an anarchic rampage, destroying lives and invoking fear, I guess like the terrorists of today. But, instead, they used their anger as a motivation to do something constructive, to put right the injustices they saw.

So…what makes you angry? What do you see and think, ‘Things shouldn’t be this way’? Everyone is different, and we all have different passions. Follow yours; you never know what you might achieve.

The stuff life is made of.

Life is everywhere.

As I’ve worked on this blog, I’ve sometimes thought it felt like a ‘productivity’ blog. How to do more things, better. I’ve mentioned the Radiohead song, Fitter Happier, and I’ve been conscious of not wanting to sound like that!

In my last post I talked about how there is more to life than simply making enough money to pay the bills. I’ve said a few times to friends recently that life is about experiences – even bad ones. A dead person can’t even have those.

That thought really helped me whilst going through the, pretty stressful, application and interview process for my job last week. I actually found myself sat in the room waiting, feeling pretty nervous and unsure, but thinking I was privileged to be going through it.

‘So, this is what it feels like to be at an interview; this is what it feels like to be facing redundancy; this is what it’s like to have to wait for the outcome.’

Of course, I’d rather not have to do it again. But I have done it; I can sit here and tell people I’ve been through that. I now understand; I can now empathise. And I can add it to that metaphorical list of experiences.

In some ways, I’m even glad to have had such an experience. For these are the things that life is made of.

I think there is great joy to be found in being content with what we have, to enjoy the lives we lead for what they are, whatever they are. Because we won’t pass this way again.

"I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good thing, therefore, that I can do or any kindness I can show to any fellow human being let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again."

Stephen Grellet, 1773-1855 (French-born Quaker Minister)