Sunday, 10 July 2011

Staying single

I wrote a post a while ago about some of the positives of being single. This one takes it a stage further…

Recently I realised how much time and energy I spend thinking about and actively seeking a relationship. It’s a lot, and I’m not sure if that’s such a good thing: would it be better for me to actively forget about it? Make a deadline and decide to stay single until that point, perhaps till the end of the year?

It’s not that long since I was in the metaphorical hell of broken-heartedness. In the last 6-7 months, I’ve made a complete U-turn depression-wise, turning that pit into a relative ‘high’, or at least a level-plain, thanks to my CBT, medication and an excellent GP who has worked with me through it all to get the right treatment. Maybe it’d be a good idea to take some deliberate time out and enjoy my new level of ‘sanity’, free from the risk of getting knocked down and hurt again.

Of course, being single is not entirely up to me anyway; I’m well aware there’s a good chance I’d remain that way anyway, even if I don’t make the decision to. But this is about how much of my life and thoughts the search takes up.

Most times I go out, it’s with the hope of meeting someone and, so far at least, it’s been pretty much entirely unsuccessful. I’ve remarked a few times now that Saturday night has become my lowest point of the week, when each time I come home having failed to meet anyone who might be interested in me. I do get very lonely, but that could be because I’ve been so focussed on it.

Maybe if I am ‘not looking’, my focus will be on other things – I’ll know I’m not going to meet anyone, so maybe won’t feel so low when I don’t…? I’m sure there’s some logic in that somewhere…

I think I need to allow myself a little disclaimer though: if someone should come along, and it just…happens, then that’s a different matter. I’m not going to stop a relationship happening if it does, I’m just thinking of not actively focussing attention on finding one. Perhaps as a result (at the risk of sounding ominously like a Radiohead song) I’ll have a better, happier, more productive year…


  1. THANK YOU for your comment on my blog post So good to get a single male perspective. Hope you don't mind me having turned your comment into a new post - I'm still fairly new to blogging and hope I haven't broken a blogging rule there!

    I've had a look through some of your recent posts and just wanna say THANK YOU for being honest in your blog about singleness and depression and life in general! Keep up the good work, and all the best for the next chapter of life as it unfolds out of your redundancy. Will be praying for you, if it's ok for blogging 'friends' to pray for each other!

  2. Thanks Steph, I don't mind at all! :) Have left you another comment... ;)

    Thanks for the encouragement re: my blog. Nice to hear and thank you for reading. I really enjoy reading yours too! :)