I’m not one of those guys who walks into a bar and girls go: ‘Oh my God, he’s so hot ... I need to change my knickers.’
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’m a bad looking guy, I’m just sort of ... ordinary. And I’m not only looking for sex either, definitely don’t get me wrong about that. Perhaps my post is mis-titled and this is really about loneliness.
But sometimes sex can feel like the answer to loneliness. And, even if it’s not, it can feel like a good substitute.
I suppose I’ve been lucky in love more times than some; I have happy memories of times spent in the arms of a girl, be that on a coach trip, on the sofa, or elsewhere. But I’m getting older, and I would like to have times like that – and, yes, sex too – again at some point in my life.
Generally it’s not safe to assume that everyone in a bar/club/coffee shop/sitting on a train/walking down the street is as ... keen to meet someone. (I deleted a whole range of adjectives before settling on ‘keen’ including: ‘lonely’, ‘desperate’, and ‘horny’!) So you put out feelers, test the water, and it’s usually cold. Tepid at best. So what's a guy to do?
People tell me: ‘You’ll meet someone when you’re not looking!’ Those people annoy me, really. More than ants in my kitchen (but less than spiders in my bedroom). How is someone supposed to stop looking for something they earnestly want?
If those people lost their keys, how would they feel if I said they’d turn up if they'd only stop looking for them?
As a solution to all this, I’m trying to accept that maybe my time for this has been and gone. Perhaps those ‘loves’ I’ve had are all I am to have. So, I’m savouring the memories, smiling about them often, and concentrating on what life has left for me now, such as writing, music and getting rid of ants, apparently. (Fortunately I don't have a spider problem in this flat, but if they should ever rear their ugly heads again, I'll be ready.)
If you are in a relationship, or even just having sex with any sort of regularity, enjoy it, and keep hold of it for as long as you can. Because, as JD says: 'No one understands how important sex is better than someone who isn’t having it.'
(Sorry for the long clip again, it’s really only from 4 mins 40 secs I wanted!)